Look over my right shoulder as I decide what to scribble on the topic of blog and there is a mirror on the wall. Large enough to view the entirety of the room around me, but I focus on my face and think initially on the reasoning that brought me back to my laptop. Back to this blog to express my views, so that I can continue back on a track with re-affirmed commitments and to allow the information to slide away, off of the stress that the shoulders hold to continue to trudge on with information that needs to be unloaded or expressed. The mirror is a subject that made me cry in anguish on Sunday.

The mirror when looked at by oneself is a trickster. He only shows us what we think is to be our real image, yet upon careful examination of thought, you will see that your image is only a representation and that you cannot see the true image for what it is. First off, as you know, there is grime on the mirror. There is dust, there is a residue that blocks the clearest possible viewing of your face. Instead, the facade is dimly represented.

However, the greatest trick is that (she) is showing you a reversal of image. As you look at your mirrored image, the right eye is on the left side, and the left is on the right. This may be difficult to imagine, but look at the mirror and see… your right eye appears to be on your left side, but in reality: it would be on the right. It is impossible to see yourself as others see you in your standard mirror.

These simple details are not the reasons to produce tears. The situation that I found myself involved was in the beginning of an “energy healing session” where the goal was to clear negative emotions. The story that came to mind and the cause of the tears was due to thinking of mirrors. Once again, the dynamic of the word mirror is not be taken literally. I had been using a term “mirroring” in the first few months of this year. The concept of mirroring is very deep and life-changing. It is a dense psychological study of the people around you, though on a spiritual level… not just for the intellect.

In mirroring, (you) imagine that you are a person that you see. You do not just place yourself in their shoes — you become them. You place yourselves in the space behind their eyes. You see the world as they do. You think as they do. You expand on emotions in the way that they likely do. You experience a new life and depending who you do this to… it can be extremely difficult.

You learn much in the process. You learn to accept people as they are, but while knowing there needs to be change. You discover ways to help them, but it doesn’t always help. Mirroring can go deep, especially once you speak to the one that you mirror. Once you gather more information about the individual, you can discover much about your own emotions and prejudices.

The emotional outburst during the healing was connected to a story about meeting a lady in the park. One who I had introduced myself and walked along River Street with. Had a nice talk and walk, but along with way I ended up screwing it up. 3 times. On the 3rd time, she parted ways… it was frustrating and I angered at first, but I came to realize the issue in the very soon future. It went as such:

1. passed by a homeless man who was working with creating the “Georgia Rose” and wanted to sell one along with the “Georgia Rose story”. Instead, I waved him aside. No thanks (I did not have any cash) . . . she then was curious about the rose. I told her there was a story attached. She was interested… but then I don’t know the story after I said I knew the gist of it… I could not think of any part of the story.
2. passed by another homeless man… (I be damned if I can’t seem to remember the 2nd guy), but we skipped by. I had to ignore him. And this is all while I have already explained that i am an alternative healer, blah blah blah.
3. we stopped by the “Echo Square”, a well-hidden but intensely rewarding gem within the River Street locale. There was a couple there who had discovered the spot. I explained the logic of my understanding of the spot and explained the process of the echo. And while doing so, a homeless man interjected (roughly), “There isn’t a tunnel down there — they wouldn’t put a tunnel down there, the water is too high!”… I explained, but he continued… again, and then I kinda lost my cool a bit. I could see the look on everyone’s faces around me and everyone was shocked that I was arguing with a homeless guy.

She left.

Ahhh dang was I upset for twenty seconds. But then I blew it off. She was actually rather boring. Cute, but boring. Dis-interested with most I said, but still obviously attracted to me. At least until I showed my ass (repeatedly).

That was the story. Only about a week ago. She was cute — from out of town. On the table for the energy-work, the story was told ever so slightly. I got out a few details… enough to expound on what was causing the energy spike and tears and angst. The gist of the reasoning, from what I can gather is that from all the mirroring that I had done in the early part of the year had put me in one place of emotions, while the Buzz Yard Services had put me into a split-view of that place. Yet now, I am returning to that need & desire to continue on the healing path and the thoughts of homeless have returned… how to help or assist them. Yet in the while, I have decided to ignore the plight. I have ignored the homeless because that is a hell of a hard subject to unwind.

I have no clue as to how to help these people after all the soul-searching that I did… The only help that I could muster was to talk to them. To converse as people and show that they actually have someone that cares for their well-being. I have to return to that purpose, but I have been avoiding it.

It is peculiar — I don’t know where to go from here.

11:42am, 11.28.2018