Obsessed and Unstressed 

The stress dies during obsessive behavior. 

I never realized this until I typed that title. Looking back at those other times where my obsession took over my life. I had no stress then, because the problem was so huge that the solution was forever away. 

Far from reach, confidently pursuing the goal which I deemed most appropriate during the rush of excitement that drove me nuts beyond reason. Only to either reach the goal to turn my head and find no other tunnel to run through, or lose the will to continue due to boredom or by ramming my head into a wall. The force of the ram is as aweful as realizing there is nothing beyond the goal in the current path, to need another avenue to learn more. 

Anxiety creeping in during those moments of dazed surrender to my helpless state. Unknowing where to find the next step, like a blind man in a cave. With no one to shine a light to assist in finding the next desire, instead to be harassed for not staying busily working away on meaningless duties. When all along, all that was wanted was to learn more and to find my next career. Instead, the spiral would entrap me and send me whirling downward into decline. Until once again the pattern surfaced and offered another treat. 

That prize, I claim. I have it now. The prize is the obsession that which I pursue. I love it more than anything, for it always gives me a reason to breathe. Without that present, I would decline. I would spiral deeper than before. To drown in misery. 

5:28 am, Sunday, 3.25.2018

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