A bruise??

What is this sensation??!!

I don’t get bruises!! Not without a fight. My right biceps feels bruised, but I see no coloration. 

As it draws into my three minute warning of 11:11, as it’s been happening lately, I want to shift my view towards tomorrow. Towards the job interviews, with expectations to gain both positions so that I can quickly grow my funds or have options to work in a more aligned trajectory to my path. 

Yet, in the moment of 11:11, I just gave thanks for letting me be part of this “crazy nonsense”. I’m going to try to sleep. 

Though my dreams will be intense tonight. I know this because of two reasons. 

  1. This afternoon, I had a very very intense and vivid dream. 
  2. I haven’t smoked marijuana today. Smoking will suppress many dreams. 

I’m almost scared to sleep. I’m not scared — anxious perhaps. After the dream today, I know they will be even more intense. Hopefully not frightful. Today’s dream was highly sexual, but not in a desired way. I really don’t want that again. I’ve been thinking on that dream, off and on, ever since. 

Well… there was one spot that was terrifying. My (nephew, I think) were wrestling. In an odd location: top of a scaffolding. At one point, I was falling off of the scaffolding floor. Sliding off somehow — head first — towards a thirty foot drop. 

He managed to catch me as I slipped further off of the ledge. While I was nearly going to fall. 

I awoke — covered in sweat. It was barely warm in my room. 

…yeah, last time I was “forced” to quit due to legal probation, I had these same VERY INTENSE dreams. Night after night for weeks, I had these wretched dreams. The dreams were not fun: aliens chasing me from home, world collapsing around me, destruction, demons, people dying, me almost dying, fights, being chased, and yet there were a few good ones — like flying by flapping my arms while skipping down a path. 

I be damned, but that actually makes full sense to me now. Like now — this second. It makes sense. 

Jeeez though… I don’t want to go through it again. (And people wonder why I’m a pot-head). 

11:30pm, 1.7.2018, Sunday 

Thanks to this occasion!

Oh what a rough day this has been. My freedom has been restored! I am now able to get the type of vehicle I desire, with improved terms and conditions. Though I feel uneasy at the moment due to loss of eased transportation. 
I watched a few minutes of this beautiful man’s video last night. At 6:56 he says:

“We should be brave enough to stand alone, wise enough when you know you need help, and strong enough to ask for help”.

Similarly, his troubles are over vehicle loss. He too, is on his own mission to change the world in the way he feels led. His beginning was nearly the same as mine. He began following the coincidences of numbers. 11:11. 

His calling brought him to Tanzania to care for children. He houses seventy or so kids. Several whom he, and wife, have adopted. The situation is always nearly at an end due to financial distress. Yet, now he has had the last two vehicles tear up on him (within a twelve hour window). 

Without a vehicle, 30 miles from a hospital, with the majority of children as special needs care — this is actually a life or death situation for the children. He is in desperate need of assistance. He pleads with his viewers to help through this time, even though he knows God is on his side. He is scared and feels helpless under the pressure and cannot get a break. 

I’ve never seen him like this. He is super courageous, generous, and heartfelt. It breaks my heart to see him like this. Knowing how wonderful he is, and seeing him in such pain, brings me anxiety. 

I am on that journey now. Like it or not. Somehow we were both led down this interesting, crazy path of leadership. I’ve seen many others like him now, like me. Where the only real thing to follow is our instinct — to follow in faith. 

It pains me to realize how he has come so far, but is still facing greater difficulties than ever anticipated. I cannot compare my path quite yet; mine has just begun. The fact that he may have children die in his arms is much more undesirable than for me to not attend a meeting where I hope to gain a partner in my endeavor. 

I cannot compare my achievements. I have little in my wake. My greatness is yet to come. I’ve been depressed over loss of possible connections, lack of proper employment for income, lack of freedom to roam, and boredom. Yet this man may have a child die because the car doesn’t start. That is horrible!! 

He needs help and even with 52,000 subscribers to his content, he has difficulty feeding and caring for handicapped kids. This brings tears to my eyes. 

Helps me realize that I am fine. I don’t have kids dying due to my lack of vehicle. I don’t have any problems comparable, yet I have been anxious about this ordeal. I know everything will be great — for him and me. But right now, it sucks. Right now, a bit of wind has been knocked out of my sail. Right now, I just want to sleep through the day. Right now, I want to give up — but I cannot — I must push onward with the plan. 

I don’t know the best plan, but I do know of two options. One option sounds good. One sounds bad. 

But in irony, the one that sounds good actually feels horrible. And the one that sounds bad — feels great. 

Must have faith. 

3:40pm, 1.8.2018, Sunday 


Today did not start as expected. My car has been repossessed. I immediately started looking for a van to purchase. Then the talk with Mom about needing financial assistance — was not what I wanted to do. Though my alternative options are not well. 

I also spoke about trying the Access Bars on her. The “laying of hands” technique that I was taught on yesterday. 

Both topics aren’t easy to talk about. I am sick of borrowing from Mom (or gaining donations rather). Then the healing sounds like magic (which it is) & thus is anti-Christian in her view. 

I decided to ride to church so that I could run by my tenants’ house — planning to collect rent and talk about my car situation. But he wasn’t home. So we went onward to church. 

Faith was the message (Jesus and We). 

I know that message was meant for me. Here is the opening scripture:

[Jesus] could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith. (Mark 6:5-6)

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” (Luke 7:9)

I immediately knew this was going to be great for me, but not in the way that I fully expected. It’s been like this for weeks — everywhere I go, I find a special message tailored for me. Sure, that does sound nuts. But let’s review the entirety of the message. 

The 1st verse, above:

An important part of this scripture is missing due to lack of awareness of the significance. Jesus was in his home town where the people all knew him as a child. Barely anyone believed that he could actually heal. This lack of faith caused them to not be healed. Because of their own disbelief, they were not healed by Jesus. 

(The preacher only pointed out the amazement of Jesus.)

2nd verse:

This dives into numerology and symbology to gain a suitable answer. The trinity: Isis, Ra, & El. Jesus had not even seen this much faith among the gods themselves. 

(preacher’s view: The second verse was in contrast to the 1st. To show amazement for lots of faith vs not enough faith (in healing). These people were easy to heal.)

He continued on to ask, “how big is your faith?” With these points in mind:

  1. Without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)
  2. Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1)
  3. By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)

These messages mean this in my situation:

  1. I am pleasing God by chasing the big dream. 
  2. This is showing how my faith is leading me in the correct direction, even though I cannot gain certain proof. That the goal will be fullfilled. 
  3. I tried to leave for Fort Lauderdale, this week, with no clue where I was going or why. I do this almost every time I leave the house lately. 

He wrapped up the message by saying to the congregation how “I know someone here needs to hear this” & “one of you are planning to open a ministry this year”. This year will be huge for our church yada yada. 

There was a bit more, but I cannot fully recall. The message regarding faith hit me HARD. My last few months have gotten me far out of my comfort zone, open to deep meaning, and pushing the boundaries of my limitations. I have openly declared my faith — even now. I am trying my damnest to create change around me and I am successful in that action. 

I will not allow a vehicle repossession deter me from my path, nor will I hesitantly follow the lead of anything that does not sit well with my gut. 

Faith shows your signs through your gut. I have faith in my gut and will not stray from its wisdom any longer. 

Like today, I rolled with my gut & rode to church with Mom. Now, I sit with hundreds of words describing my day and the faith that I now live on. I actually run purely on faith these days. On gut instinct. 

2:18pm, Sunday, 1.7.2018

Cleanse Sav update 

It appears that between a dozen to twenty people have looked at the Request for Assistance page. That is promising. I will definitely push for help again. But let that sit until I can bring up a next-step to a plan. I really want to have a video up by 1.11.2018. But I just like the 111 hahaha. Yeah, even if I don’t have a great camera by then (which I doubt), I plan to have at least an introduction video on the YouTube. It needs to begin, even if it cannot be as perfect in production as I desire. 

I plan to gain a used camera soon. I also want a microphone. I should research this stuff!!

1.7.2018, Sunday, 1:40am

Busy Days 

Today was great!

Started with a trip to the most pathetic botanical gardens ever. Then to a trendy little cafe called (the) Fig & Fox [I think was the name]. I’d never have gone without some fine lady asking me to go. 

Then off to Hilton Head to meet Zulma for a session of Access Bars. Today’s group was an annual event, as Global Bars Event (5th). 

This was the 2nd time she administered on me. The first was around December 20th in 2017 (a couple weeks ago). She then walked me through my first time in the “giver” side of the table. I performed on her. 

This was all very interesting. I fell asleep during my turn. Not like a full-on sleep — more like when I would sleep on the school bus. I could hear all going on around me. I even remember a bunch, but I was extremely content and so allowed the sleep to continue. 

The only “negative” aspect is that without any thought towards a reason, I had tears pop out that I couldn’t really hold back. In a room full of people whom I only knew one previously, yet I had no embarrassment (or which quickly vanished). 

With the giving side, I could feel how to use the system. It is a simple tool, assuming you know the technique. I could feel the small pulse of energy through my fingertips — or through contact of their skin by my fingertips. It is difficult to be certain. 

Also, I may have found a helpful contact by the home owner. He seemed oddly familiar, but that doesn’t so much mean I’ve met him, but that we relate through likeness of experience somehow. He invited me to a wine & cheese party for what sounded like a mastermind type of event. Or in essence so that they may find good projects to work with. I am bit uncertain to the exact reasoning of the event, but saying that just around a dozen people from different professions and areas, but aligned with common mission. This sounds promising to share my ideas with. Or even to gain a possible partner or even to hear their ideas. The options all sound nice. And if nothing — Free Cheese & Wine!!

Tomorrow will be fairly busy:

Like I told the homeowner from today, “I’m really just trying to meet interesting people”. In order to get any project off of the ground, I will need help. 

Tomorrow is that. Two new groups where I may meet a key player. Who knows right? I’ve been meeting a ton of people lately. Many have become useful already, if even just for a confidence booster. I get contact information from everyone whom I connect with — just in case. I have bern building a list for years — of good people. But only recently have I actually aimed to turn this list into an actual roster. I look forward to this with no hesitation, but it’s scary. 

1:21am, Sunday, 1.7.2018

Friday the 5th

About all I do is think and watch videos. Pondering on any number of topics, thinking of how connections form between topic to topic. Like the web. I’ve been wanting to read the 1st book of The Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. I feel there was esoteric knowledge in there along with creative storyline. Or was it just the standard Hero’s Journey like every other great book or movie? 

I still see Mom reading on the blog, but I want to unleash on the spiritual information. I showed her evidence of chemtrails; I’m not trying to talk much on that, but chemical engineering needs to be stopped!!!

I recall hearing that my mother’s side had dealt with spiritual rituals when she was young. I cannot vouche on every side of the spiritual path, but mine has only produced positive results as of late. I cannot look at religion in the same way; religion has brought much division once you study. Once you are awakened to this madness, you will see the division yourself and may even experience peace of mind once again. I know I had a large void in my world where satisfaction should have been. 

I want to discuss Numerology, Astrology, Alchemy, Magic(k), Shamanism, Reiki, Chakras, Kundalini, Esoteric Symbology, and all the other grey areas and crossover piles of information. 

Yet, also, this is all a huge topic, without perfect places to begin. Any person may relate to one way  — while not grasping or appreciating another topic. That is fine! Perfection will not occur, but only greatness or wholeness or Holiness or Soloman and his temple. 

Yes. Discuss the peneal gland in the Land of Pineal. That is just part of the huge metaphor. Just a snippet. Here comes 11:11. I will cash out for the night. Rise and shine and meet a beauty before noon. I’m excited. 

11:08pm, Friday, 1.5.2018

MeetUp Announcement 

I posted this message for my Meetup clan. There are 55 of them. Hopefully anyone will answer the call. 

Link to my website page.
The call is for help with a YouTube channel and to push forward with the Permaculture dream. 

I do have one guy with me already, but so much intensity needs to go towards this project and in there, I need help. I have the intensity, but lack some skills that others have surplus of. I have topics out the wazzoo and love the problem solving, but I need assistance. And $$!! Crowdfunding sounds scary alone. Lonely too. I’m done with loneliness. 

Running on my three minute warning of 3:33. I’m gonna lounge in this bath and wait for the snow to melt. 

3:31pm, Friday, 1.5.2018