Home Again 

I’m back from Colorado. Spent a couple weeks trying to clear my mind while taking advantage of the miserable experience of losing a job. 

I’ve been applying at many design jobs with no luck obvious in sight. I had several plans of finding a bicycle, a cheap room for rent, and ultimately a place to settle into for a month of real attempts at applying to local jobs. It would have taken a couple weeks to settle-in with the GDOL payments, as they are fairly minimal in financial assistance. Yet it could have worked out. 

I had almost stayed and I might should have stayed, but I really wanted to see my cousin in the Savage race and try my own worth on its course.

…Tuesday (9/19/17), I had been thinking about all of this for hours; pondering on my position of travels. I had not been entirely sure on location to stay, possibilities for training/education, and several other lifestyle oriented questions like what I could do for a couple weeks during the transition to a situation that could lead to the goal. I made several attempts at buying a bike, yet none worked out to be within an hour drive (20 miles is an hour drive in Denver) or within budget. Then I drove a few miles from my home-base to a park where there is a pull-up bar. I did some stretching, some breathe training, a couple (as if I can do more than a couple!!) chin-ups and headed out before my hour on the parking meter timed out. 

…I began to aimlessly drift to another State Park, thinking maybe I should just go back for the race, check-in on the house post-storm, try to find some thing productive to do, and take a good long bath. I picked the phone off the seat to look at the map and the time was 11:11. So my nutcase brain says “there’s you a sign” and so I just left. 

You could say that was an impromptu decision, but I am constantly thinking about what could be next. That decision was made from the heart more than by the brain. The heart — the gut is what it is. 


…an exerpt from truecenterpublishing.com. And here’s a link to an Alan Watts audio version on YouTube. Listen to Alan, it is the best way to take in the tale. 

…when I’m in transition or unsure of what is next this poem comes to mind and sometimes even cry over its meaning. It is one of my favorite stories or lesson in life that helps me see what is actually important. Helps to reflect on what could be and what also could be, instead. Honestly, just bawled a bit thinking of the consequences of now. 

The gut lets Maybe happen. It allows me to make impromptu decisions and balances past mistakes with the possibility of worse mistakes that were never made. Maybe is always; it lets me live in my moment, whatever that is to be. To remain in that state of thankfulness is my ambition for it could be much worse if I harped on misfortune as it seems in the moment. I am not devistated due to a job-loss and I try to stay thankful to its end as whatever challenge awaits must be grander, it always is. It’s always worse before it’s better, but it’s always better if I allow options to flow through. 

…After the initial stage of I can’t believe this is happening again, it was moments before I said a little prayer and thanks to setting me free of my bondage. I’m free to explore options once again and even though the situation is bleak – it is not dire. I have a broad horizon of goals that I’d be happy to aim for any of them. Maybe. Maybe this is exactly what I needed. 

…back in GA, sitting in my recliner, in my house, I don’t want to be here. I want to be gone, creating something new, living in a different climate and atmosphere, I want to go back to the CO for a while. But I’m stuck, trying to make the best of it and take use of friends and family and enjoy it while I’m here again. I’d like to get a job in MI, ND, CO, WA, or anywhere really. I’d like to see a new area where I can explore and train in my current ambitions and devotions. I want to see how the people on the west coast live, live amongst the Yankees in the snow, or even visit Alaska for a much different experience. A great design job sounds perfect, but Maybe a welding job or something else. Perhaps even more schooling. 

…But tomorrow, I plan to go TIG & STICK weld at a friend’s house. Test my old skills and see how I could fare at that work again. Maybe I’ll become a professional welder and get on a team to work around the country repairing industrial plants. That sounds extremely appealing to me as of now. 

Home again. I didn’t plan to have a Maybe theme. It was bound to happen at some point. I’m always home, isn’t it where the heart is? The gut is your heart and I follow it — I’m pretty much always home. 

9/22/17, Friday 11:24am

Indescribable Sensation 

Must be like the third or fourth time ever. It’s the strangest bad sensation without actual pain. The first time, I sat in my desk chair at school and rotated a bit. The knee contorted with a non-audible pop. A lingering eerie sensation is the most memorable effect. 

…I’m scared it’ll happen again, but it happened (today) after a twisted leg bounced off the ground on my last judo-roll. As if I did more after!! I feel funny five hours later, sitting Indian style in my truck.  

…the judo rolls were pretty fun. I watched a YouTube video and had to try it :)

I am now here:


…in a Walmart parking lot amongst the big rigs and RVs. Parked facing the trees with the lot lights to my rear. 

9/9/2017 11:50pm

Maybe it’s just the full moon . . .

But I had to leave on the spot. Been trying to patiently wait for a week, but it was all for naught. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy myself with the kids and my free day at Forsyth. And the New Years Day replica meal tonight. Those kale greens made the whole house smell like an old man with wet farts but they tasted wonderful. 

And I’ve time to think over the predicament. Yet not in the way I want, as in I need to leave the area and feel that I must. As if this opportunity need not be wasted on yet another predicament. So, I stopped short of Augusta, at a Walmart, to sleep for the night. About 10:30, I rode back to a spot by the RVs and slowed by a truck with a fellow unloading the green bins. Helped the guy a bit with his bagging. He ended up offering payment for help which I turned down, but he re-offered and I accepted. Let’s see how much it was, just stuck it in my pocket with thanks. Ahh 8 bucks — thanks again. I just felt he needed assistance for what turned out to be correct assumptions and he gladly accepted it. And I woulda just been sitting here recapping my emotions anyway, so I figure that the ant bite on my middle toe’s knuckle is the only downside to that interact. So, I already wrote the paragraph below:

Tarrence (not sure on spelling) was an interesting fellow. I talked with him a bit, we exchanged stories and laughed a bit. He had a job to collect all the green-bins of donated clothes. Separates all the clothing from shoes and trash and rebags to resale by bulk. There were a couple ladies out there, I forget their names, who were recently out of jail and in desperate times; they got two car loads of clothing, purses, and shoes. They’ll be selling them in some way. The women were so excited, as if on a shopping spree and giggling about all the stuff to sell. 

The women hugged us both and hurried away, but then circled back to offer food and drinks from the BurgerKing. They were overly pleased by the blessing he brought in their tough times. We both turned it down, it was kind of them though. 

…yeah so I made my first 8 bucks today as a nomad; I’m imagining I’ll try to hit some Craigslist ads for day labor gigs when I get a chance. But the main goal is still aerospace design if at all possible. I just need a change in scenery, climate, social atmosphere, opportunity; the list could continue. I’m bored of the same flat dirt, I need an environment I can enjoy, where mountains are near and the humidity levels aren’t 100%, I miss the weather of Athens, GA where the air was cool, breezy, and dry. I’d love to find a place that is pedestrian/bike friendly and live near work, tired of the car slog through traffic and to a home where I don’t want to be. 

…I asked my nephew his address because I almost turned his way or to my good-friend’s house in VA, but I should go west. But maybe the Boston, MA job comes true and I travel there after. Perhaps I can get the Texas or MT or Washington state or Mississippi job. There’s options everywhere so that it almost makes since to go to the center of the USA, which happens to be here (thanks to google map images):



No I meant Colorado, and that’s pretty close. See:


I just wish the car wasn’t an issue. I kinda just took this truck. And it’s not the most reliable, yet compared to an utterly broken car with an unknown resolution, the truck is pretty reliable. 

The road is open. I imagine my favorite cousin will be delighted enough to see me on his Saturday. Perhaps I’ll go to the ball field where he coaches his little girls softball teams. Maybe I can even get him to race me in a sprint. I know I signed up for that race and have intentions to attend, but it’s two full weeks away and I’m leaning towards Colorado and I have absolutely no clue about a race for me. 

…if anything, I’m surviving on gut instinct and hoping for the best and attempting to find something in the process. 

9/9/2017 12:27am

Stormy Night 

The weather was beautiful an hour ago. A bolt of lightning just struck and it was of such loudness that I had to check my hearing afterwards. Pulled over into the driveway of a business, I will wait a bit to get off the road-full-of-idiots. 

…game night Thursday was a failure tonight. Not a single soul showed so I left after forty five minutes and wound up in this condition. Though after ten minutes of monsoon, the sky is already clearing. The clouds are dispersing and floating away. 

…I wonder if I finished my thoughts on what I want from a vehicle. It was just a day or so ago; it is likely in draft stage. 

…I listen to podcasts that are in conversation format. The ones that offer stories of their lives, philosophy and lifestyle, and all the topics that typical interviewers won’t ask. It beats the pants off of the talk radio I used to listen to. Not just due to an easier way to skip commercials, but for the fact that that old method of show-writing where there are two minute clips and nothing but the “cliff notes” version of topics has never held my attention. I can’t hear the story in a finality version–I’d like to hear how and why the story took place. What drove you to that moment and why did you even want to do that? All that is missing in the mainstream stories and it is a shame. 

…back on the road—-I’m starving over here and want to eat. That 72 cent CarrotGold with Turmeric (woooo got 5$ off!!) was a great vitamin and filler, but now again, three hours later… starved. I’m at like 400 calories and it’s 7:30pm. 

August 31, 2017

Fairies

Ahh that Clemson setting was grand.  I chanced upon two sweet fairies and chased their scent until an hour past the eclipse. Never did I find them again and it makes me regret the addition to my collection though the results of the day without were great. I traveled eight short miles through forest, up and down hills. All with desperate hope that had to be pushed aside.  The plot was massive and I learned all the paths without a map. I found several shortcuts and used old trails, attempting to enter another magical moment with a beautiful creature. 

Now I shiver in this tent of metal, plastic and rubber after dreaming once again of the day that preceded today and it excites me to realize that I’m sleeping high above the elevation of my home. I get the chance to wonder around the mountain tops and push my limits further. I get to find another cold river bed to lie in and soak away my pains. 

8/22/2017