Sunday Service 

Yesterday. I had wondered at what point does heat stop rising and cool takes over. I thought about it several times over the day. And I imagine or seem to think that the atmosphere thins due to that hole in the ozone that is allowing air to leak into the void of space. The hole that the 1980’s gave us, after using 100 million cans of aerosol hair spray. And the thinning allows hot air to rush in between like fuzzy and soft in velcro. 

…look at that photo. Looks like every type of cloud bundled into one pictogram. That is beautiful and much moreso in person. The beauty comes from the excitement of the moment, the heat on the skin, and the calming blue backdrop that presents a vibrant explosion. It always stirs me to think how the representation of nature, herself is of the grandest forms of art. It is difficult to surpass that beauty. I wish we could still see the stars at night — for that easily accessible artwork. 

The stars will make you think about your universe. We see only hundreds due to night lights, but there are countless suns in the night sky. Alledgedly infinite or nearly infinite. The power that is represented in that thought brings me to the limits of the mind. To get stuck on the catch 22 of life’s question of meaning, if we are the point of this all, then why are we being tested? If there is a war between good & evil, then why isn’t there any real proof? If there is no point to any of this, then why does that nagging question arise in the first place? If I’m being pulled from three directions, and each one has their own representations of truth, yet no one has objective evidence of that truth, then how is there ever supposed to be a test in the end… it is rigged to fail… only the weak ones who depend on the most demanding leader will ever make it, and only if those folks hit the bonus lottery, as the absolute winner, only one side wins right? Or else there’s no winner or no loser. Or maybe there’s multiple correct answers and only one real bad path. Perhaps multiple good, multiple bad. 

Who knows, who cares. If you set me up to fall, in a rigged system, with no clues to real truth, then setup my reasoning and intuition to doubt all things implausible, then it sounds like you don’t give a damn either. 


Dear Publix

Dear Publix,
Your store is nice and clean. Your prices are fair and stable. Your employees are all dressed well and appear positive. You do great work with helping elderly and retarded people keep decent jobs. 
However, it drains my entire energy to walk around your store. I feel like I’m in some Disney Land nightmare where there’s no walking stuffed animals. There’s too much forced niceness in an environment where I just want to buy food and leave. 

Quit forcing your employees to greet every single person. Don’t make cashiers stand in the isle, greeting, questioning customers if they are ready to checkout! After the fourteenth employee said hello and smiled at me, I had to control myself from telling them to quit being fake. 

“Did you find everything you were looking for?”

NO — just ring me up. I’ve nodded to fourteen of you and said howdy nine times. Now please leave me alone. 

“Are you certain you don’t need a bag?”
YES — and why are you talking to me (bag lady) I just said I don’t want a bag. Why are you pushing a bag on me? Do I not look capable to carry a box of pop-tarts and a gallon of water. Shoo — get outa here. Go bag up single items for some other weak individual. 

As an introvert, I’m practically exhausted from your store. At the least, you don’t make me feel like I’m doing societal harm, like when I use wal-mart … they drain your soul, bit by bit. 

6/20/2017 Tuesday, 8:38pm

Obsessive Behavior 

Many folks look at obsession as a bad thing. I see it from a different perspective since I am obsessive by nature. 

That immediately brings up the question of, “how obsessive must you become before that obsession actually becomes an real obsession. That brings the definition itself into a quick google search (below) which shows to a “troubling extent” or “constantly worrying about [the project/idea] something” to be the guiding principle. Yet, to what extent is troubling considered? Not being able to have relationships socially, not minding food, water, & shelter, disregarding their own mental or physical well-being . . . What does that vague description imply?

I can go a step further. From hearing firsthand about guys quitting jobs, leaving wives/children, foreclosures, and losing conviction for their career paths over World of Warcraft, I saw how the game could suck you into an a new world and certain people would give all their energy towards the game’s goal. 

…I include myself there, except I had no mortgage, children, wife, or even a career track to lose. They did. And some lost things. And that is certainly a point of obsessive behavior that is by definition. 

…for topics like golf, cross-fit, running, and other physical activities, the results can be fairly obvious (but hidden) by signs of overtraining and the physical strain it places. Along with constant soreness and obvious fatigue. 

Does my bostaff or flexibility obsession qualify as such. I work in a tube shop and I enjoy the bostaff. I am constantly reminded how badly I want a slick aluminum or titanium tube for training. I am thinking about posture and flexibility within almost every minute of every day. I strive for a balance of stoic discomfort, flexibility/balance postures, and total relaxation. I am certainly obsessed, but to what harm?

I’ve obsessed during my welding training. Then during drafting school. Then over several women. But there’s always been a constant obsession with weight control, lifting, training, and all things nutrition. I’ve had the W.O.W. obsession. A strategy game obsession for years, but no outlet… which is ramping up in a strong way with recent board game groups. And there’s the bostaff obsession…did I say that already. Or is the obsession of planning the future included?

I obsessively dropped 84 pounds of fat over the course of 14 months once upon a time. Then I obsessively went into a dark spiral that led to quickly gaining weight. Fueled by depression — I still had an odd obsession to eat in a gluttonous manner that led to significant weight gains. Though, knowing how dramatically I can shift in attitude, I was obsessively pushing the natural limits of my own weight gain. 

…Looking at the definition, is only the depressive fat binge & W.O.W. experience the only true obsessive behavior?


…my W.O.W. experience actually broke my inability to sit for extended periods. It also honed my deep concentration abilities to where I can easily sit at a computer screen for fourteen hours straight, with minimal breaks. This still only holds true if I am in an immersive environment like a video game or a CATIA design center. A project where skill, learning, experimentation, and creativity are all components of the experience is essential for this ability to manifest. Yet, without that initial boon of immersion, I may have never fully developed the ability to sit and do. 

…while the fat binge was actually an experiment. A sick one perhaps. I had full awareness throughout, but the darkness set the mood. I learned much in the cleanse process that soon followed. My eyes are open to a new trough of ideas, partially due to recovery from obesity. I learned of fasting, importance of hormones, macro nutrition myths, and much more. If you take this into consideration, was it not ultimately a great prospect?

There are multitudes of term papers written about folks like Edison, Tesla, Jobs, Buffet, and many others regarding their obsessions. The noteworthy accounts are certainly accomplishments that brought much success to others and themselves — not to be stuck on a silly definition, but how is this considered a troubling condition?

5/24/2017 Wednesday, 9:23pm

Eight Hours without the phone 

So many times, I wanted to look up a fact or opinion. I wanted music to cover dull silence. Planned to finish a podcast, write a couple notes on the blog, and toss out a few texts. 

…2 phones in hand, but no use of either was possible. 

…gotta send one back in the mail. Expecting a $500 fee that I’ve been repeatedly reassured that it would be removed upon return of my original iPhone. 

Hate dealing with this nonsense. I really really need to cutoff Comcast now. I’m tired of paying for virtually nothing. 

5/29/2017 Monday, 11:59pm


…it seems they are forgetting the idea that if you take a person from near birth, attach well designed sensors, and place in a comfortable “holster” that allows growth and adaption; you don’t need to fullfill the full experience or allow certain lines to be crossed. 

…it bothers me that once you drop into the rabbit’s hole, you should be bringing up things like this for example. But I rarely hear it. How else will we ever bring enough doubt into their minds to doubt their brainwashed ideas!?!?!


If I even believe that. 

5/14/17 Sunday, 12:06pm

Weather Results Matter (or not?)

*I want to point out my “typo” in the headline, but only as a query to anyone on what term describes this sentence. As in an English subject, is that a pun or what – using the wrong spelling in a sentence to convey a central and cryptic message alike?

So: the weather turned into massive doses of precipitation which lasted till around three. At which point I was heading towards the board game Meetup. 

The point of the cryptic headline is to point out the obvious:

Weather forecasters have practically the most pointless job on this planet.

Is this not true? Unless there is a hidden duty that lies within their job description, and their work includes other useful endeavors that aren’t just to promote their beautiful displays of map with wonderful arrays of clouds and amazing 3D graphics, their only duty lies with hurricane & tornado warning/watches. 

As a tangent, I love tangents, who in God’s hot Hell created watch/warning designations? What does that even mean? Can you attempt to create a better naming convention? Am I warned because someone has seen one or am I watching out for one that has been seen already? OR Am I watching to see if a warning pops up? OR Does a watch occur when we suspect tornadoes will occur?

…I know it hurts your message to have two W words, firstly. Then to have conflicting usages as your words: why would I watch if I haven’t been warned is opposed to why would you warn me if I’m already watching?


And all this confusion for a system of weather that will murder your whole family and threaten the foundation of your home in the splittest of a second. 

Back on the main topic for once:

Why do people still watch the weather predictions and never care about the results?

…I cannot fathom the idea that people take weather verbatim. Afterall, they are built on probability. That is basically the house betting against you every day. They give theirselves such a wide margin of error (+/- tolerances) that the errors are never caught due to the law of averages. 

…As example: day before yesterday, there was 80% chance on rain. On yesterday, yes it rained, but HOW does 80% chance of rain translate into IT WILL RAIN HARDER AND LONGER THAN IT HAS IN TWO MONTHS!!

…simple answer…

It doesn’t convey any of that message. 

…my questions…

  1. Since it actually rained at that level of wetness, do you think an 80% chance is sufficient for such magnitude?
  2. It seems that days as such, when rain starts early in the morning, (and you see that coming, right?) wouldn’t that deserve a higher percentage of prediction? A massive amount of water fell at an early time — should that not have been a 95% chance, dare I say 99.998% chance? 
  3. Why are there no predictions on quantity?

I could go on. Heck, why not make it interesting and make wagers? Wager against me with a three hour warning in my home town and you got competition otherwise I too would have to spit out low numbers like 70% chance. With a 30% chance to miss, it may take 4 days till you catch on to my strategy (probability ratios based on casual observance and smell). 

Ahhh number 4, above. Do you actually base your judgements on a selection of local rednecks who poke their head out the door for a big wiff of air? Then take a balanced average to determine your results. Cause that’s what I do everyday and it serves me well. 

But how do folks still look at these statistics and prepare their whole weekends or weeks over this crap? It changes on a daily basis, they are constantly recalculating and changing their upcoming predictions. What they thought next week will be — will morph into a new animal by the time the final day is now today. 

…It sounds like how building an aircraft gets: you move a coffee pot and the following snowball occurs:

  1. The drain line must be re-engineered to align to the drain hole that was just moved. 
  2. This causes the design surface of the cabinet to need a hole moved. 
  3. There are similar wiring issues. 
  4. There are similar issues with the surrounding cabinetry until everything is at the status quo level. 

All these things require massive doses of paperwork, engineering change orders, meetings, manager and engineer’s approvals. There will likely be some form of management risk in there. There will be some guy worried about losing his job. There will be two dozen short, angry, white guys creating swirls of chaos in several manufacturing plants around the country. Somebody may actually be fired and if not, the whipping boy gets it hard (while feeling relieved that he wasn’t actually fired — this time). 

In other words, one little thing creates a whirlwind of effect and no one knows the exact structure of the final product. But we all know one of each of these things will happen. 

In conclusion, if we already know that these things will very likely happen, why do I need Captain Obvious to tell me what may happen. Please tell me if a hurricane is three days away and moving at a pace slow enough to predict what might happen two hours away. But we know you are aweful at that too. 

…….why does the weatherman exist??

5/14/17 Sunday, 10:34am