Balance 

Achieving that is an unlikely result. I torpedo my way through life with long buildups, running through different areas of work while sticking in each niche for a time before inexplicably changing paths and pursuing that goal. I know the current path could lead on to a rich life, but I’m growing bored of the corporate environment and dread each day of continually pursuing the previous goal. Though I really want to stay within engineering and grow my ever increasing salary that should rival my competing engineers. But there’s much boring work to be done in the meantime. I’m fine with it, but only if the payoff truly is near. Four years experience should grant me much easier job finding, but it isn’t seeming to pass the bar. I fear the flood of engineers is still too high in the market and degrees are becoming an extremely common item, but also a required one. And that is pretty crazy considering the work most design engineers do. But welding is paying equal or better for equal skill levels as I’ve gained. I can always skill back up in that. But I really haven’t planned on that route. I am in great physical shape still snd could manage any of the work. Heck TIG is my preference anyway and that’s basically a desk job. The car/house + wasteful lifestyle has caught up to me again. Yet I’m virtually stress free. Thanks to that blessing of don’t give a #%€$. It seems rarer than I feel though I abuse my limits in stoic manner and torture my bowels in their eyes. It all builds to increase my lack of need. Committing to a fast, for instance; ignoring all the common food rules and still attempting heavy labor. That informed me most of all the diets or nutritional information I’ve ever learnt. Though it piled onto previous banks of information and cases of trial-n-error- I realized how willing the body is to adapt to the consequences of its surroundings. If trained properly, eased into certain protocols, it is amazing how little you will begin to care about food rules. There are no known rules, there are suggestions and paid-for propaganda that has built the majority of those rules. It’s like the common pet concern “Cats and dogs shouldn’t eat human food”. Are you joking, you mean chicken and beef. While I admit those animals are not natural, it should be bird, mouse, squirrel, etc. it is still the same principle. “Your cat needs dry food to eat at all times if it wants to eat, then wet food at night “. No wonder your cat doesn’t like the taste of the sardines that my cat greatly enjoys. Nah that same cat in the natural condition may not eat for two days. But when it does, it will be an entire small animal. Then it may not eat for a while. It survives great without constant nibbling of food…just like you. Humans are very near the same, but we need more plants than them. Watch your cat, she will eat grass an herbs, naturally when ill, but if given what it preys on and has been adapted to best eat. Raw dead animals, not corn, wheat, peas, carrots, and the scrap they scrape off the floor at the meat factories. Disgusting anyhow. Ever realize why it costs 1/6 the price of decent tuna. Dang it’s getting late, was supposed to sleep early. Guess not, quarter till midnight and I need some sticking supper. Lunch at 2:00 is wearing off by now. 

8/9/2017

August 1, 2017

Last night was class 2 of my wing chun. The class was 6 + sifu. I was mated with the 2 fellows who had 7 years and 10 years experience.

It was awkward for quite a few minutes of the second phase of lesson. As we were paired off, facing each other; one would be the aggressor and the other as defensive. But I couldn’t figure out the movement. I screwed up the first fifteen times. They seemed to wonder if I was slow, but then it just clicked and I could see what the point of the exercise was. 

7/8/2017

I’m too sore for the 1st day of class 

But since there’s no schedule, first will yet be first. Sunday’s activities wrecked my hamstrings in a great way. It’s tough to even pull off a mild forward bend (I still mean deeper-in than palms flat on floor). 

…even my neck muscles are tight. It must, mostly, be from the sprints. Told dude at work the last was 100 yards, but it’s gotta be more like 500 feet to 200 yards. See the google map, below. All barefoot, but is that even worth mentioning. Shoes would be the odd occasion. Shoes would make me feel like I was wasting my time. I ran first, too see the action around the corner, just a bit. There were firetrucks all around but no smoke. Had a couple folks ask if I knew, they said they already snooped and saw nothing. So I went further around, quicker, and it was fun. So I did a couple little tiny sprints on sidewalk. 

…back to Forsyth, some random guy with his outfit, a heart regulator, shoes, and normal routine is jogging along. I decide to sprint for real and gun it past him. A good little clip of a few hundred feet, and I slowed a bit too quickly. It felt like a bit of the sole of my foot may have peeled up. But no. Totally fine minus a slight abrasion where there was a grinding halt on the sidewalk. I feel like an Indian saying so, the ground barely touches your feet until you slow down then it scrapes if you do so too suddenly. But only on rocks like asphalt and concrete. And even then, you grow into the activity. 

…I could so continue that barefoot rant and I want to, but yeah. I am lazily sitting in a parking lot where I allow half of what I think to flow quickly through my fingertips, watching folks hurry through the rain, to grab groceries, then hurry out to quickly leave and get in stupid traffic that is twice as bad in the rain and I don’t want to do that. 

…I’m also sitting in a metal box, insulated by rubber footings, and comfortable to such a degree because I’m fairly confident in the technology that has been incorporated to its design. 

…but I do have a car I will still very likely lose, a mortgage/house that has been in crisis mode for three years, the cat wants to eat, and I’m full-filling self promises that I really can’t afford. 

…then “we are sitting on a rock hurtling through space” “and it’s spinning” as joe rogan constantly says. And there’s unknown meteors that may strike anytime. I’m okay. I’ve actually been wanting to ditch my vehicle for quite sometime, and who can afford to sell a car/truck when it goes immediately underwater upon purchase, then a year of no employment. No complaints, I’m fine. But that stupid ongoing payment, life drag of 400 then 100+ insurance then 2-500 gas. I’m sick of it and it’s impossible to get out of without a break. A pay increase. That may be coming. Who knows, I’m fine without, but I think even with this cashout of my BX stocks (and its 30% gains!!), I am so far behind that I would need to immediately get a new job/raise and I feel no traction at the current job so that I could beg some cash out of them. I’m well over 2,000 in debt to mortgage/car and I really need to hang on to dad’s truck for a couple months while my car gets repo’d from the Chevy place. I owe chevy 113$ so that’s retarded, but I want to just go pay; clean all my crap out; and call the bank and tell them I’m a piece of crap. So that sucks, but then go lookup REALLY DON’T LOOK — You cannot unsee things like this. Lookup Tibetan Sky Funeral. It is an insane method of disposal of a corpse (loved one). 

… I’m excited about the whole gaming creativity project and really want to continue, even if I sideline, woopity do. That just means I’m obsessed or depressed but hopefully just obsessed with something new. Ahh the rain has fully stopped, I shall ride like an old lady on the wet road, with all the idiots, oh joy. 

7/25/17, 7:03pm

Holy Lightning Batman

The lightning struck within a quarter mile just as I opened this blog post to type the title. I’m in the old white truck amidst a raging thunderstorm, parked in front of the Dixie Crystals Sugar Refinery (I think). A small patch of white cloud ahead, but there went seven more bolts of electricity. 

Prepare to call me sempai. I joined the kungfu place for 1 month. The owner did attempt a SIX MONTH CONTRACT. Yet I declined and began to walk away. I asked about uniforms already and that is required (a ghee?? I dunno). That’s 45 bucks. Ehh I’ll pass on 50 bucks extra for a silly pair of pajamas. 

…she called me back, saying she’ll allow me a month off of contract and no worry over the costume for this month. 

…so I’m game. It’s more cash than I should be spending, but I’m in need of this. Three/four years ago, I said I’d try yoga a couple months after I gain flexibility enough for palms flat on the floor in a forward bend. That took a year perhaps. Now I can stand on tip-toes while doing the forward bend and lay palms to floor. Yet the yoga never happened. 

…Last year, I decided that if I lasted another year of fairly frequent bostaff training, I’d enter some form of martial arts. I’m interested in several forms, but I have always been most attracted to the idea of kungfu and its ways. The wing chun style of defense through resistance and offense with minimal force is a style that I could work with. 

7/24/17

Eh, I ditched that spot; it is now tomorrow and I’m on lunch break. There is a possible job lined up; I am awaiting another call while I prepare my resume. The company has been emailing me every few months for two years, but after they didn’t hire me previously and I recall there payrange being slack, I haven’t cared. 

…he says the pay is likely doable as suggested. Though I’m still low-balling myself a bit. 

Started reading Walden. Henry Thorough or something–w/e his name is. Only 7 pages in. It’s about his story and views while living at Walden pond in his handcrafted log cabin while in his 30’s I believe. 

…not saying I want to do that persay. It was funny though, my cubicle buddy at work was looking at RVs, campers, & buses for me haha. He’s like “I’m serious, this is perfect for you”. Yeah, I know; I’ve been dreaming for a bus for years now. A short-bus would be perfect actually. 

…now it’s tator time (tummy growls at that idea!!)

7/25/17

Check in the mail for $416. Details in picture below. 


Not bad for under 1 year. That’s nearly 35% in profit. I would be happy for that in any year in this same economy. I wish it could remain, but I need it to save my mortgage. 

…back to CATIA…7/25/17, 3:25pm

No Notes

Here I sit on this hot day 

…in the truck to waste away

…because there I bake

…with no notes to take. 

The poem must stop as I’ve lost the will to further rhyme. It sucks to get out to my relaxing spot and realize there is not a sketchpad and pen waiting for me. It’s lunch time — I’ve already changed to shorts only and I’m parked in my new chill spot. I have ideas to scribble. I need to get it down before it passes. 

It is tempting to skip the Thursday game night group. No one ever applies a yes/no to the meetup group, nor are they regular like me. But I realize, if nothing, the game store has nice tables setup in a fairly quiet room. Where I could dream over gaming design. 

I just hope that one kid does not show up. Grrrr, I can’t stand him. Nerdy, long-haired fellow with the problem of half-telling the rules to games. He watched me roll for the totally wrong thing the last time…I got what I wanted (you really don’t want to play dice against me) and finished rolling. I went to update my stats — he stopped me — “you can’t do that”. 

you just watched me roll for that (I aimed for 5 hearts). I got 3 hearts and 2 dmg (to him). And I was clear with my goal. Every roll saying I’m aiming for hearts!!

“I told you before starting”

oh, you mean the stuff I told you I’m not going to remember, because I don’t listen (can’t listen) to the instructions. Because that’s why I told you that. 

…and you watched/heard me say what I’m doing. And you just let me do it anyway. Okay, sure man, your game, whatever dude, hey your turn. 

“I didn’t know you didn’t know. ”

Your turn. 

(Not verbatim, but I did say all italics)

He also did some other sneaky stuff and refused to attack his girlfriend much. Yeah, SHE won. I really don’t like or respect guys that are “nice guys”. I have zero respect for you; I don’t care your motive, there is rarely a good reason to let a girl beat you because you’re afraid to beat her.

…lil bastard, I wanted to choke him for a moment. Not murder, just enough to show him the annoyance he is causing everyone else. 

…ahh the sweat is beginning to drip after forty five minutes of shade. That story must have fired me up!

7/20/2017 3:05pm

Prototype on the way

I traded mom groceries from the store for an amazon order of blank playing cards. She also ordered a folding game board that is also blank. 

SPR is very well on the way toward a complete game, but I still haven’t gotten to playtest the latest ideas. The plan is to do this today. Yet, this house has too much chaos to even sit and think. 

Here’s the pictures:




7/8/2017

Deep

I’m pretty much obsessed now. 

I’m in deep. I have four or five games in the works. SPR is the most basic and I’ve gotten a few iterations of design and play. Since it’s a quick 2 player game with minimal cards, the cycles have been quick. 
SoG is next up and modeled after Dream Quest (awesome game on app). This should help me determine values of cards and actions, enhance my critique of changes to the system, and who knows what else.
IoM(IoE?) is the most favorite of the ideas and should be built around much of the same mechanics as SoG, which is a deck-builder with character classes, multiple forms of attack, magic (or magic like), xp, and mostly: optional ways to customize your play style. 
Though, the project I initially wanted was to be nearly like axis & allies, but with the use of cards and deck building. That initial concept led me here and I’d like to get back to that, but I plan to develop gaming mechanics first. 

…enough for now. 

July 6, 2017