The risk felt huge from the start and now those risks have sharpened in degree. I am about to lose my house. Today was the day that I could have paid and probably should, but my tenant didn’t bring the cash. Honestly, he doesn’t even realize the mistake that is being made. Tardiness is going to lose him the house after Monday or soon after.

There could be a way to save it. However, I really am starting to let go of it. Just let the bank take it and be relieved of that burden.

Today has been a fairly miserable day. Starting out by irritating my business partner by rushing him in the morning. Our communication is still shite.

Then angering for other miscommunications. Then more difficulty & then his tent collapsed and he has to sleep in the truck…which is total bullshit. The tent collapsed several times in ten minutes of wind.

I am tented up, under a tarp, in the longbed S10. Added a couple blankets to my usual. Along with my decreased sensitivity to the hardness, the extra padding is nearly comfy as a mattress.

I’m secure, flat, and can stretch out. He is crimped, irritated, and uncomfortable. Poor fella.

I’m in such need for rest. He is too. I been stressed to the max since we crossed the Colorado line. Barely seem to catch any breaks & when we do, the breaks are quick.

Immediately following the little break tends to always land us in breakdown mode. Wretched cycle.

Risking our sanity along with investment, yet the friendship and the longterm healing session are the larger risks. It is insanely difficult to show peace and love when you rarely come across help.

When humanity and society treat you so miserably and show no mercy on your situation while you are at the rock bottom of life and are simultaneously attempting to create business, opportunity, and help others, you often lose hope and wonder why you even care.

The fight to help others is such a struggle.

10:16pm, 6.29.2019, Saturday, Colorado Springs, CO.