What day is it?

No, for real; I had to ask a few times today. The week has flown by and I want to continue on. Yet I’m exhausted and excited at the same time. Exhausted from the long day and this thick, wet weather. Excited after telling a story for the third time in two days—one I’ve never told before. 12:22 am, I should get my self to sleep but I will likely be up for hours instead. 

The week flew by yet each day felt long. I stayed relaxed while busy the entire time. 

I haven’t taken a break in weeks, I’m always training in some fashion—obvious or not. Even during otherwise—relaxing appearance— settings, my mind boils with thoughts unless I happen to be forcefully suppressing in a meditative state. I don’t even know how to break right now, as I seek opportunity everywhere and ask any question to anyone if I want. I’m never bored in a room; I used to be bored in a crowd. 

I train in broad spectrum or learn several skills, however is put best, I aim for a grounded view by perceiving from various angles. As best I can. I have had many jobs, many fields, studied many subjects and combined them or created interwoven patterns between them all as best I can. I keep searching more threads to grow that web further. And to strengthen the weaker, yet silkier threads that have previously been suppressed. It is with this aspect that I forget the days in between all the moments of study, when my thoughts barely cease during sleep as well with intense and vivid dreams. 

I want to quit tobacco and thus want to continue fasting. At the 24 hour mark by now, my stomach began to growl and my desire to quit diminishes by the time I sleep each night, but I’m also in belief that there is no longer the threat of awful, ill withdrawals, and I’m still hesitant to stop out of rebellion. The time is never good, except while fasting, but I want to eat! And don’t ever want to stop until the moment that the barriers arise from sight of—by hopeful prospects of a relationship, and otherwise, only due to health and that is the point of silly rebellion—in order to fight the fight that is silly, to use a substance in a way that I really would love to hate. But I continue to use like an idiot. 

12:42 am, Saturday, 3.31.2018

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