I’m just realizing that you have to give up on life, first. Gotta quit to have success. Gotta give up on your plans, because they were getting in your way. 

The day I gave up on logic is the day I woke up. I gave up entirely on my life. Passed my leadership and prayed for help; I gave up entirely and said thanks anyway. I said to Hell with everything, “show me what to do.”

Then I began to listen. Listen to my deepest problems and fears and dig to the roots. Yanking each fear like a weed; allowing it to happen no matter how much it hurt. Allowing the floodgates of information to roll in and sift until I heard the messages that the leader nodded in concurrence to. Listening to my inner being for reassurance and this has led me here. 

Gotta give up. 

Give up on the rules of life and embrace your true government. The government inside of each one of us will lead you onward to a goal. 

The goal for me, for now it seems obvious, but surely will morph into another. The goal for me is to spread permaculture, to be a healer, to spread a message throughout my region that we are not alone. To help homeless people — even though I don’t know how. 

I had to give up completely on my current life. Not only is that kid named Rusty dead, but Russell is dead as well. I let him die. He is gone; dead. Only I remain, and while his personality, skin, blood, and brain still exists—the heart has grown anew. 

Gotta give up on everything to find your success. Got to or you will never find yourself. Your path—your mission—your success. It is all waiting for you, but it requires your “death”. 

8:44 am, Friday, 3.30.2018