Never would have happened a few years in the past. Never would have spoken to anyone either, if I managed to stay. If I did, I would have slipped out without even waving at anyone. Outside of the crowd, on the edge. If seen or remembered, I never knew, I had no gumption to speak. 

To hear you talk about your dreams would not stir my thoughts nor allow to reminisce due to the wall of mistrust after years of abuse of will. Wonder if I ever had the reason to come back around; could not have listened to your dreams nor cared for your artsy interests. Could not see the color around me, not sure how I ever pulled out, then now I look back and can ponder on the path but too late to change. Just to expect the next loop of event to be alive before me. 

As I think of dejavue. Those times of peak sensation of knowing something could happen. I realize now to stop and think of what I would have-done and then do the other option. Scientific analysis at the core and to determine if the theory is true—but I am here now and not dead, so it worked well to me. But if the other, would not have been so tragic except to, for instance: not show for a social event to instead sit around, write on this blog, and be stoned. 

Yet instead, I reasoned beyond my rebel tendencies and went against my normal will to remain comfortable and content while within the zone of creative ambition. 

Without pleasure, I did not exist, but I did the event which required much driving and time wasted for the event and gas costs, but I noticed that moment of time and thought in that moment. To experience a different venue or to remain on my normal path. 

As of tonight, the “normal path” is to sleep somewhere in my van, on the corner of a neighborhood, perhaps. But instead, to chance upon a concert of sorts and to congratulate and shake after a show is new and fun still and expect to have gathered interest of sorts while among the crowd I don’t tend to be around. The time has been ages since the nearness of theatre or the like. 

Hey, it’s 1:11. I’m off for muffins and a nap, up with the sun you know!!!

I really do dig the nomad lifestyle. 

2.28.2018 am