Today did not start as expected. My car has been repossessed. I immediately started looking for a van to purchase. Then the talk with Mom about needing financial assistance — was not what I wanted to do. Though my alternative options are not well. 

I also spoke about trying the Access Bars on her. The “laying of hands” technique that I was taught on yesterday. 

Both topics aren’t easy to talk about. I am sick of borrowing from Mom (or gaining donations rather). Then the healing sounds like magic (which it is) & thus is anti-Christian in her view. 

I decided to ride to church so that I could run by my tenants’ house — planning to collect rent and talk about my car situation. But he wasn’t home. So we went onward to church. 

Faith was the message (Jesus and We). 

I know that message was meant for me. Here is the opening scripture:

[Jesus] could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. He was amazed at their lack of faith. (Mark 6:5-6)

When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, “I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel.” (Luke 7:9)

I immediately knew this was going to be great for me, but not in the way that I fully expected. It’s been like this for weeks — everywhere I go, I find a special message tailored for me. Sure, that does sound nuts. But let’s review the entirety of the message. 

The 1st verse, above:

An important part of this scripture is missing due to lack of awareness of the significance. Jesus was in his home town where the people all knew him as a child. Barely anyone believed that he could actually heal. This lack of faith caused them to not be healed. Because of their own disbelief, they were not healed by Jesus. 

(The preacher only pointed out the amazement of Jesus.)

2nd verse:

This dives into numerology and symbology to gain a suitable answer. The trinity: Isis, Ra, & El. Jesus had not even seen this much faith among the gods themselves. 

(preacher’s view: The second verse was in contrast to the 1st. To show amazement for lots of faith vs not enough faith (in healing). These people were easy to heal.)

He continued on to ask, “how big is your faith?” With these points in mind:

  1. Without faith, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)
  2. Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see. (Hebrews 11:1)
  3. By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. (Hebrews 11:8)

These messages mean this in my situation:

  1. I am pleasing God by chasing the big dream. 
  2. This is showing how my faith is leading me in the correct direction, even though I cannot gain certain proof. That the goal will be fullfilled. 
  3. I tried to leave for Fort Lauderdale, this week, with no clue where I was going or why. I do this almost every time I leave the house lately. 

He wrapped up the message by saying to the congregation how “I know someone here needs to hear this” & “one of you are planning to open a ministry this year”. This year will be huge for our church yada yada. 

There was a bit more, but I cannot fully recall. The message regarding faith hit me HARD. My last few months have gotten me far out of my comfort zone, open to deep meaning, and pushing the boundaries of my limitations. I have openly declared my faith — even now. I am trying my damnest to create change around me and I am successful in that action. 

I will not allow a vehicle repossession deter me from my path, nor will I hesitantly follow the lead of anything that does not sit well with my gut. 

Faith shows your signs through your gut. I have faith in my gut and will not stray from its wisdom any longer. 

Like today, I rolled with my gut & rode to church with Mom. Now, I sit with hundreds of words describing my day and the faith that I now live on. I actually run purely on faith these days. On gut instinct. 

2:18pm, Sunday, 1.7.2018

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