Energy is real. Energy is subtle. Energy is intense. 

The energy is now flowing in the ways I’ve heard of for years but had never expected for myself. 

I imagine that having been introduced to Reiki is what initially made me aware of the field that surrounds me. This is the way of initiation, to have it used on you. And I have, basically, by sitting across from three Reiki Masters at an energy focus session. 

Now, I can fully feel an envelope of energy surrounding my body. Focus, silence, darkness all aids in sensing the webbing in the air. It is like moving your hand through molasses when you pass your hand through the shell. There are many ways to draw-in the energy and hold near. Tai chi is a well-known system for this. 

Two days ago, I was at the grocery store and as I aimlessly searched for food that I barely wanted and a sack of Epsom salts, I came across a guy. The guy was stocking shelves and as I passed, I looked at his physique and wondered if he was a man or woman. I could not tell. 

…the only reason I mention that is to say how I could feel a huge ball of emotion around him. It took me off guard at first, so I turned back and passed by again. I was again struck by a thick wall of “I don’t know what”. But I had to make sure and so I passed through again. 

…i had to leave the store. It was awful. I barely could hold my eyes open to the tears. Even today, I told my friend about it and felt the bad energy and tears came. 

…feel like I’m supposed to be embarrassed. 

…but that (guy’s?) energy was just bloody horrible and it made me insanely sad and turned me into a blubbering idiot for five minutes. Then, like my friend says “you can’t just tell somebody they have awful energy”. True…and you cannot help everyone, all the time. 

I got to the car and sobbed over his pain, but also over mine. I wasn’t ready for this crap. I didn’t want to feel people’s energy. Isn’t it bad enough that I attract people to tell me things they normally wouldn’t say, but now I actually have to feel their pain too?

Fuck this sucks. I didn’t want this. I never wanted attention or a YouTube account, I don’t even like being filmed. 

I love it though. Wraps up my crazy experience of life with a bang and helps to make sense of my problems. 

…I don’t know how to finish this story, much less this path. I think i am going to Fort Lauderdale to find a shaman. 

10:04pm, Wednesday, 1.3.2018

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