This significant change is awe striking to me, with significance beyond your realization. At this time, I am attracting everything I need. I’ve suddenly gained success in attracting women. I’ve never had success excepting certain instances. I’ve selectively picked each woman and let her into my life as I grew. Only a few have been with me, in that I can count on one hand. 

Guys are supposed to be prideful, as it’s forced on you as a growing man, to sleep with many women, but I never could bring myself to care unless I could connect on a mental level. I never understood the craving for a coupling for pure fun. The hookup culture amazes me and I cannot fathom the idea of sleeping around outside of having deep connections. I prefer always to have a deep connection. I cannot pull-off small talk. I tried the casual sex with the latest chic and it drove me nuts without that deep connection. 

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Though as of this message, I admit this could bite me in the butt by saying, I’m speaking with nine women at once. I plan to see the one who I deem the best for me on this afternoon. I could have seen a different gal last night for great fun. I have another who wants to see me tonight. But I don’t make future plans yet, now. I can’t. 

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I’m not leading anyone on. Almost the opposite. It’s weird. It started overnight on last week. 

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I also contacted the last girl who broke my heart today. I’m planning to write to the girl whose heart I last broke, my ex-wife. I need to see how they are. I need to see if they need help. We were all broken during those times. I was only a piece, but I was a great hunk of the trouble. 

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I need to go clean my car and ready for my lunch date!

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10:59am 12.31.17