November 22, 2017 (6) the owl

Tangents that we take as conversation ignites will lead far beyond any planned script. The dance intrigues me at times between my thoughts of the latest topic though the morphed conversation has no open connection to jump back across the previous path. Conversation is alive and wants to continue the onward adventure without stalling to help the weak or to ponder on the past as is the structure of this writing of mine. Lends to flow yet confusion as you listen to my wafting ideas on the eindd of change which often terms as the monkey mind. With the monkey under slight control as to only allow thr jump to occur during a pause in thought or intentions forces the fingerd to dsnce across the keypad inbfailing promise to gather all thoughts before drifting away. 

Difficult as it is, the monkey is like a jumping bean dancing violently in a frying pan, desperate to escape. The control of the monkey is the goal as he does point you towards truth but truth in all directions now. Not later, now. 

…Or is it the monkey in the way of the truth and guiding the monkey out of the way so that you may see around the obnoxious creature and glance the truth or reach out to the truth but the monkey dangles on your arm and distracts you with toys and games, trying to keep you from your truth. 

…either way you analyze, working with or without the monkey is essential to finding the truth. There’s no avoiding the monkey; he does not ever leave. But your interactions with him determine your reality and the peace within. 

I recall now that I sat to write, and with huge distractions forgot my intentions. And as I know I tossed this query out in the blog, the topic may never have been published though it did serve the cathartic purpose as was intended. The idea of voices within the head. 

I have realized three voices and believe that only one is I. The others I have come to regard as or from the truth or source of truth or of another guiding entity such as conscience. The other would be the monkey and I’m unsure if that is actually me, or as the conscience or the idea generation portion of the brain. 

…the discovery of my own is guided from lessons though only personally discovered in meditation. The idea occurred the day before my second Colorado trip and at that point I wanted to leave to fast, meditate, and pray over my path and discover the next step yet I am still unknown. 

…the thought of all this reminds me of the past when I was told that (she) thought I may be schizophrenic. I was offended yet concerned and intrigued to the prospect. She may have been joking as she said it was more in joking query. The reaction made me wonder as I may be — a secondary personality could be up there, coming out when required. Apparently she had seen both sides, or all three perhaps. The 3rd only during my very confident and cocky attitude when in the Drafting classes. Perhaps that is the same three voices that I heard recently; and the embodiment of those individual voices is what she witnessed.

Worry is gone from that interaction and I think often of her and that short conversation at the school’s parking lot. I think about it just to wonder about the proposition and to compare to my own opinions. Worry still is the disease that I attempt to refuse from my personality. 

An owl appeared in the yard tonight with a nearly three and half foot wing span. It sat before dudk in the limb of the large pine tree. When it turned our way, it felt as if a dark being were peering into your soul. His jet black pupils filling his entire round rye sockets appeared too dark to even be real. One girl says what I felt — that his eyes were not even there. Just blackness in their place. The owl stared down at six or do humans for minutes as we talked below him. Quite a creepy sight with the eyes yet spectacular to see in full light. 

7:50pm

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