Before my second Colorado trip, I had been in a sort of daze. I am certain to those around me. I was at my house, attempting to assist with planning for renovations with my new tenant. The situation came out of the blue and I began to dive into a new endeavor just before hand. It basically prompted the initial proposal of the tenant situation. The endeavor has morphed, yet remains true to the core of the now two month obsession, running on five years of intrigue. The endeavor scares many people due to stigma from religion. Though every religion recommends this through their texts. It is not a requirement to religion but is recommended highly, though subtly. Then on a deeper level, there are hidden meanings within the texts, if not out right bold in a select few. Yet with all religions as a whole and often at a personal level lean towards disgust, distate, disdain, and other (div)iding words in reference to their fellow follower of an unseen force. How could a Christian trust a Hindu when they don’t even show respect for Methodists? Or Catholics or Muslims (I’ve done basically zero research on Islam….the others, somewhat or a bunch) or whatever. It is a huge spiral of distrust that has led to wars and is insane because the stories have the same principles. Exactly the same with minor differing details. 

…talk about throwing the first stone; who is right?

1. The first religion claiming the story 
2. The second religion to remake the story with subtle details, but different set and setting 
3. Or the final religion that duplicates (triplicates) the story

…though many folks skip the one obvious verse and fully miss the many times where the message is hidden from those who have not obsessed with search. 

…that obsession is in overdrive for me now. I recall as a child, getting baptized and the week of tears leading up to it. But that pales in comparison to my last years and recent months of obsession. I have seen what is possible on this path and some of it is beautiful and inspiring and will make you cry to witness some of the people I’ve ran across. The work they have done to change people around them, always after they – themselves had found their own answer. I really doubt I actually changed much from the baptism and I’ve been lost ever since. Confused with no answers explaining gaps in scripture. Lack of theory and details that were present. To the point that none matters yet feel exactly the same. 

…through problems and failures the way we learn, I have been learning but without a mentor in the process who can satiate the questioning process enough to entertain a young man’s skeptical brain but in effort to still turn me from sin — decide to put me into fear over the false fires of Hades while naming it Hell and not knowing (or hiding the knowledge—doubtful) the real meaning of Hades and the realization that Hell is not what you think it is.

…has taken until now to discover the roots’ roots have roots. I already knew we don’t know where the roots began. No one can give an absolute answer because absolutely no one actually knows for fact and that mind blowing concept has driven me to this point and I feel it is meant to be. Not like I am an atheist by any stretch of imagination. 

…within the text of the Bible of the major western religions, the mention of meditation is at least once, but even without that. Imagine this:

• Jesus, before praying and refusing assistance from the devil 3 times…
• He goes into the desert to fast and pray for forty days and nights…
• *Jesus had no prior training with fasting, but managed to NOT DIE. 

NO

This man had been meditating and fasting during the first thirty years of his life to attain the ability to perform those miracles. He had practiced fasting on a regular basis. He had been meditating to free the devilish thoughts. If he was special to live without sin with the Devil only there to tempt him three little times during his weakest point… you need to wake up and realize that to be special, then he would have had to put up with the same type of emotional turmoil and spiritual problems that we each face. 

……if Jesus didn’t have to learn anything through problems and mistakes — are you going to still sit there and imagine that because he was perfect — that that is why he was so powerful, confident, bold, wise, gentle, and kind?

…….if so, I know several spoiled kids who did not turn out like him and they started as perfect little babies with pure, naive souls.

…so what gives, if Christian is to be Christ-LIKE, then would you not want to emulate his training regime?? Would you not expect to be passed-down the expectations of Him with also the tools yo also achieve these things?? Why aren’t Christians obeying Jesus by doing the only few things he says??

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Yet, more so: Why are they scared to meditate?? Why are they afraid of fasting and/or why do they doubt the legitimacy of the best known **healing tool thst they will likely ever have access to??

**this healing tool is called fasting 

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2:55am 

Wednesday