November 9, 2017 (2)

I definitely want that job. 

But I have doubts about gaining it. 

Yet, the doubts are not overwhelming. 

Because I really don’t care if I get this job. 

  • Financially, this job will be a superb step for me. 
  • Career-wise, this job will be fantastic for the resume and project me on to a path to gain the next tooling position with ease.

Yet, I really don’t care. 

Something else will turn-up if this doesn’t work. I am trying to gain a great job that will fit my sensibilities and fill my pockets with cash. It will be fantastic to be able to get back into my financial plan from years ago, where I can quickly save cash to invest and have my reserves built to support my base expenses. This gets less with each passing year, relatively, inflation is crazy. 

…my reasons for not caring, put in public view. Well, barely public, not many eyes on this. Only a few eyes and yet I know the majority. But a change in my life view is occurring once again and I feel a bit nuts for stating these things, especially in front of you few. It’s like coming out the closet in a way, but I ain’t homosexual and can’t say it is the same. Similar. After being in one mode for a long time, with folks seeing me one way, or several ways, but not this way. It is always unnerving to reveal your reality. 

…not like I will reveal much as I have said before. Not that bold yet, or proven in my way. I don’t even talk about diet regimes until I’ve fully investigated AND experimented with. 

…it was shocking enough to see reactions of others when I first went on a high fat diet. I was sautéing vegetables and meats all together and eating them while dripping of grease. Spoonfuls of coconut oil and sipping olive oil from the bottle. 

…or when I morphed to a steak & cheese diet for weeks. Every Gulfstream coworker drooled when I walked my steak and cheese back to my cubicle. But all were shocked when I told them the reasons and that this was as much a study as a delicious alternative to the mainstream diet. Each person was a little scared for me. 

…even when changing to a vegetarian diet for weeks on end. “You know you are going to die, right”, was the overall suggestion. Perhaps, “you are going to lose all your muscle because you aren’t getting protein”. Yet I was making solid gains, weekly, in the gym. 

…how bout the first fast — the Daniel Fast. This fast is fashioned after Daniel in the Bible, where he decides or is inclined by God to eat as a vegan (but not called vegan) during the initial stay in the palace. He forsook the breads, meats, and desserts and everyone laughed at him. I believe he was training with the soldiers and ended up in better condition than the rest over a three week period (not sure on time or actual story). So, anyway, it is real. People will laugh at you for eating off of the normal path — even if — maybe even — especially if it is a more healthful lifestyle. 

…then, imagine the reactions to my first bowel cleanse. My oh my, how does the term bowel cleanse make so many people cringe? Have they no bowels or do they really think that the guts do not need maintenance? That cleanliness (there) goes an extremely long ways towards building better health.

……it is really difficult finding anyone to speak with about these things. It’s gross somehow. As if you don’t wipe poop off your buttocks every day of life. You are already a disgusting animal that produces nasty turds. How does a bowel cleanse gross you out after realizing that fact?

……the cleanse was highly researched. But after a meat and cheese diet — I definitely needed to try it. After your eyes are opened to a life altering, perception changing bit of knowledge, how do you not persue the path? 

…then the mother of all diets that frightens the rest of humanity. The water fast is that ma’am. She will change the dynamic of your view on standard eating practices, specialized diets, social norms, and society itself. This forces you to realize the amazing power of the body. The practical nature of the body is amazing and somehow learns to be more efficient with each cycle. 

……The first fast will produce the worst results because your body has been retarded by an abundance of food. It has never had the opportunity to go without food. Not only that, but the food it got was usually over-abundant. It really has no clue in how to cope without food. Until you finally challenge it, the body will never know its full potential; stuck in a never ending cycle of a supply of food, whether nutritionally sound or not — it really doesn’t matter. 

……Your body wants a break, but it really has been retarded by ignorance. AND it really is not any of our own faults, except that we never searched for the truth. 

All of these diet experiments aren’t the full scope of my research, the first decade of research dealt with the mainstream view. You know: vitamins, protein, low sugar, high meat, high starch (basically how the Muscle & Fitness magazines recommend. That and nutritionists’ schooling and research. 

…yet I’ve grown and developed my knowledge. Folks think I’m the retarded one for not knowing this stuff, but the reality is that I’ve done tons of research. 

…I have been dumping old information for new for years. I’ve read several of the driest books on vitamins and nutrition that have ever been published. As foundation, these books were life-altering. The information allowed the base for the good stuff, as for comparison to what also has a lot of truth to it, yet allows far too many ideas and concepts to be driven home as facts. 

……ahh but those facts are being proven untrue with each passing year. Or that these facts were actually just partially the answer to questions that have an answer that is still unknown. Though the “fact” was true, it failed to show the full scope of benefits or range of benefits that is actually possible. 

…In my own view, if say protien is required at high levels to build and maintain muscle… then how am I not frail yet? I’ve eaten (I’ve lost track) around 30% of my “required calories” over the last three weeks. While I have certainly lost weight, I have gained strength.

……how did I get the required protein? 

……I haven’t eaten meat, except for two or three times at most in these three weeks. I’m guessing that the mostly vegan diet is very low protein. 

……so why haven’t I lost muscle, strength, or endurance?

Because that load of crap that your government is teaching you is bullshit. All of it. Not a bit of nutritional information that is guided by our government is in any way healthful. 

…that goes for colleges and universities. It is mostly hogwash. 

Ahh, where was I?

One thing to reveal to myself for later memories is not surprising to many, I’m sure. I really don’t want to leave my little nieces and nephew. I am actually evading them right now, haha, hiding at the gas station a mile away to gain silence to finish writing. They are awesome and I’ve grown attached to them over the last year. I really don’t want to leave them. 

…always wanted the chance to live near my first two nephews to play with them and help them along. I never made it happen, except the once when they were young. Though I spent the one summer in NC, working at my sister’s gas station and while the youngest boy was five/six (?), that was one of my favorite experiences. 

…these little ones, I never knew until a year ago. There was a distance that seemed to prevent me from getting to know them. It bothered me for years and then I started making changes. But it really did little. 

……until the one day that one girl wanted a stick for a play staff. I took the three of them into the woods, bringing a saw. I was barefoot and the three little ones were all shoed. It was funny in the woods when I would get a holly leaf stuck in my foot . . . kick my foot up at them and ask them to pluck it out. They would laugh. We found a real cool stick with a vine twisted around the far end. The vine swirled like the stripe on a candy cane. Then we walked to see the old junk cars that have been in those woods for thirty plus years. We chased and played and fought with sticks. I likely had one of my makeshift bostaffs — the pvc pipe. 

……I had a ton of fun and we haven’t really gone back in the woods. That was pretty awesome of me, apparently. They loved it and started looking for me more. 

…it is to the point where they expect me to play and they live on the same property. There’s no easy evasion. I don’t even want to evade except for days like this where I really just want to relax and unleash my thoughts and unburden my mind by releasing onto paper

…they’ve helped me get fit again by running ‘round the yard and toting them all on my shoulders and back. They are in the ideal age for play, to me. They are extremely active, smart, fit, and funny. Their bones all bounce and they are tough like rubber. With amazing amounts of energy, especially now with their superb diet regime. 

Yeah, I will really miss them if I go. I know they would miss me and that is more reason to stay. I missed them in CO, but I was preoccupied with my own intentions and it was only a week at a time. Like after leaving NC, the younger nephew became very attached to me and I to him. He became obsessed with the video game that I introduced him to when I left. It was funny and adorable and I never managed to go back up there for another extended stay. 

Being in that perfect age of open curiosity, with fun being the number one concern, there is but a couple years to enjoy that abundant youthfulness, before they begin to change. Now that I’ve had this year with them, and I finally know them, it puts me on the level with my other two nephews. Where I can build on the relationship as much is allowed over four hundred miles. That is acceptable, as I feel really close with my oldest nephew and his brother. 

I’m not saying they are the only ones I would miss, but they are significant. 

Though I am definitely excited to begin a new job, and one in an interesting company and position. Tooling, from stories of one man, can be very intriguing when a new problem arises. That and from my last experience, even with the repetition of similar parts, the work became interesting at times while troubleshooting for solutions. It makes you feel great when your solution prevails. When it fails, with need to fix — while embarrassing, it can be humbling and that does improve your overall range of skill when you then must troubleshoot further. 

I must digress, change topics, starting a new page. 

4:12pm, Thursday 

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