October 26, 2017 (1)

It is Thursday? I think so. Not that it matters unless it is actually Tuesday, that’s the only day where a responsibility occurs. I have to submit my UI request on Tuesdays. 

I’m ready to leave for a bit. I’m ready to see snow on the mountains if it happens this early. I’m ready to sleep under stars and hike the trails. The plan is set yet open-ended. I have a destination, several infact, but don’t know if I’ll get to all of them. 

On one day last week, I promised to not refuse to help anyone that asked. To give as asked for, but to not help unless it is asked. To give freely, without judgment of worth of the recipient. Without condemnation of their desire. As in, I know that my money will likely go to alcohol or crack. But it has also led me to helping Dad without resistance. 

On that first day, where I stayed around Forsyth all day, it made me aware to use proper sized bills (haha), so as not to break my promise and (not using credit card) allow me to fulfill it as well. With $7 to buy a $5.65 juice (thought it was gonna be 6+), the remainder was given to the fellow that I expected to be there. He is the short, old, black guy that I had given half of a carrot juice. The juice was a couple months ago; I reminded him of it and asked if he liked it. On that day, it was his first vegetable juice he said. 

…Then later in the day, I went for another juice and got a different juice that happened to be even less. The next guy lucked up with an extra dollar. 

Later on, when walking down on river street with 37 cents, there was no one who asked. I did see a lady on a bench with all her suitcases and stuff. I didn’t leave the tiny change cause it wasn’t asked, and it wasn’t within my ambition but I wished I had done so. I felt a little off for a bit, but knew that my promise wasn’t broken. I also know that all cannot be helped anyhow. 

The next day, at Forsyth with the same mantra I headed for a juice to see the old black guy and assumed he’d ask. I was waiting to tell him that I cannot yet, because the bulk of cash was spoken for (for the juice). Instead, he reached out for a fist-bump. I gave him that instead.

…As I sat and waited on my juice, I saw a lady coming who begged to the people nearby. She was coming and so I tightly closed my eyes to avoid, but she stopped and asked and received my change. 

For the rest of the day, my pocketbook was safe with my cash in the car. Though my time was not. I gave directions, listened to a rant, gave advice on a spine misalignment and exercise to aid the healing, and encouraged a few others. 

Today. I wanted someone to come help with my lawn. To be done with the task that I despise. A guy on a bike rolled up. He asked for work and even though I know I just asked for help, it seemed un-needed. Though since he asked, he got an hour pay and saved me four hours labor using his push mower. The yard is almost entirely clean now. 

…Turns out that this guy was pretty interesting and we talked for nearly an hour afterward. 

I have always had a difficulty in giving people cash. I typically would say that I was using discernment, as most people would. That since you know that your cash would go to booze and not to food, then there is no value to your conscience. Feeling that as an enabler, you are helping them stay down and you certainly aren’t contributing to their well-being. The outlook was that their stupidity likely got them to this point and cash doesn’t fix stupid. That they should get a job and man-up. 

A few weeks ago, I had planned to give away a blanket. Then I announced my plan on Facebook. I hoped I’d get attention to the issue and possibly another person added to the mission, but only garnished a few “likes” and a couple comments. No one wanted to join in, nor offered to give a blanket. (Except Mom — that’s a gimme). I would have loved if someone said they would join me, yet instead there was mostly fear-based query of danger in the city at night. 

…I did not give a blanket like my plan stated. But I did think about it all week and expected to go, but the intent of the whole deal was to see if anyone was interested. I posited the idea to several other MeetUp group leaders, with no replies. I only didn’t go due to my exhaustion on that day.

The day in the park that I spent the day, the lady who rant I listened to without sign of dispeasure that I attempted to not show — I talked to her about the homeless situation. Well, just a bit, and gathered a bit of insight. The homeless are shooed out of sight in Savannah. There is barely anywhere good to go and the normal spots are being cleared out. The reason we don’t see any homeless are not cause there isn’t any, it is because the city hides them and forces them into poor neighborhoods where crime is already rampant. For any homeless that aren’t in that mode, they are left with poor choices all around. 

It isn’t my job to decide if you deserve what you ask for. It is only my task to try to give it to you. 

… I’m actually being pretty selfish by trying this. There is a benefit that I am aiming for, there is an experiment, it is an investment. I expect to be rewarded and feel no shame for the expectation. The problem is: I have no clue when I will cash out and reap the rewards. 

10:41pm

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