Perhaps too revealing 

Or maybe too honest and personal and I feel it should be kept in secret as our prayers should stay. Away, out of the lime light, out of judgement or for prudence.

I just let loose a rant that came from the heart and though I’m not ashamed for its words, I feel that perhaps it should stay hidden for now. Not like I don’t like my own mysterious demeanor, at times it amuses me. Though it was more of a prayer where I allowed my thoughts to be written as quickly as they would come, emerging from the fingertips with haste and careless typing and refusal of grammar correction.

It would give you few who read this dribble an insight to my motive, but not much. Likely, mostly, confusion and query towards my sanity or lack thereof. Though I just delved into a deep, dark hole to answer a question(s) that truly cannot be answered. Or rather the answers are not there with enough proof to create a theory, only enough for contradictive hypotheses. Yet theories are alleged and stack to the ceiling of any cathedral.

..,

Not that I need an answer. Because I am clueless, I observe the opinions of others. To pick pieces and attempt to connect one to the other without attaching to any particular one as the original masterpiece. I am jaded and biased, aren’t we all? Trying to avoid one answer only draws me in to study it deeper and wholefully.

Though I will say, I am venturing off again. While I still can. This holding cell seems to have released me as I’ve lost the intense desire to continue the search for proof and must meditate on the findings. It feels odd to say meditate, as if it were a pagan practice; merely to ponder while attempting to clear the mind and allow insight to emerge. I’ve done this my entire life, with no definition added, I’ve only learned to focus and enhance the ability and named it what it always was.

You know, I was only halted by the automobile problems. Quickly, I was deep into research and when I stepped out from the dive, the vehicle had been repaired. I was typing on this blog about it all — and the mechanic called during that time, as another eerie coincidence.

3:26am Wednesday, 10/11/17

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