The most depressing thing

Well, I suppose not more depressing than losing a loved one, but seems pretty close at times. Losing the job sucks, but it is super frustrating and depressing to look for a new job. Thankfully, I get unemployment insurance to assist the budget during the transition, but it barely covers anything. And now I’m basically grounded due to having no car. 

Bored out of my mind, stuck in a place where virtually nothing is within walking distance. There’s zero obvious sources to gain training for a new position. School is on its own schedule–as it isn’t ready to enroll now, but even if it was, the cost is prohibitive. I’m not even aware of any institution willing to assist with unemployment training or even resources to assist with finding a new job — the State’s system is rediculous as expected. 

With 12 weeks of UI (income), you would think that would be plenty time, but with the last lay-off taking 1 year and completion of an associate degree to gain a job — it is daunting to wait again for acceptance. Each day only brings more fear and frustration and each rejection brings more anxiety; causing me to lose faith in my hopes of gainful employment. 

The idea to return to school or change career trajectory sounds better with each passing day and so does the idea of full bankruptcy, though it is not wanted. If only there wasn’t the stupid debt hanging on my shoulders or the not-real debt to mom/dad that weighs on me, or the expectations to pull-through with ease. It ain’t easy. I’ve watched a dozen folks move to better job positions over the last couple years and while I’ve been tossing resumes out for over a year–it’s depressing to see no change. 

The hope rose a year ago when positions I appear qualified for seemed willing to hire, but never do. Then rose again, months later, when my experience rose to the 3-year mark. Then again at the 4-year mark. But it doesn’t seem to have any significance towards landing a new role. Especially due to the fact that my latest position was not at all what was described by my position of Manufacturing Engineer. Since I was actually a Tooling Designer, without the title, my duties do not match the typical duties of a ME. Mind you the other manufacturing engineers that I worked beside, weren’t doing a ME role either, as they were stuck doing Process Engineer duties 95% of the time. We all basically got screwed over. 

Eh, getting stuck, bored, hopeless, and more worthless feeling with each passing day is the worst effect of being laidoff with zero warning. I got to weld at a friends’ house yesterday–certainly helped on yesterday, but now to wait a full week to do it again (if even able to this week) is pretty darn depressing itself. 

…heck, I wasn’t nearly as depressed in Colorado — and I lived in a truck at Walmarts and Truck stops… being stuck just kills me. 

8/24/17

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