Chained

It’s driving me nuts that I need to stay in town. I just want to leave, but my stuff is holding me back and the damnedest thing is that I would love to just be rid of all of it. The car and house have been the weight that continues to try and drown me. I’m sick of it and want to leave, but the noose holding me down isn’t even available for use because it is broken. So it strangulates me even further. I have no clue why i was pushed so hard to keep it – in that I buckled to the pressure when I should have bucked harder instead and let it go like I wanted. Now, saddled with further debt and pressure because i let them fix the car for an outrageous price and we are all stuck with the crap prize of a car that nobody can afford and it doesn’t even work. Now I’m unemployed again and exactly back to the spot of 2 years ago with “stupid tax” and no way to pay for it. 

…I can’t leave. Or I can, but if I’m to be back in 2 days to get my crap from my employer– well how much more time before the crap car is to be fixed so I can actually leave? Another week? Do I really need to be back in two days to pickup my stuff… can’t they mail me my crap …i have socks, pocket change, and a very nice welding shield to grab, and a ton of other stuff that is basically worthless crap. They could mail that crap and I can go to the unemployment office and be done with that pathetic staffing firm. 

…I might just leave.  Am I talking myself back into leaving.  Problem is — i have to stay near GA for unemployment. My chains need to be payed for and I have no clue what is next. I fear even lower wages or a different type of job with equally poor wages may be incoming. As I have no clue why I can’t elicit a response out of these contract positions available. Except for that my assoc degree really isn’t worth the paper it’s printed on and my 4 years of design experience without a bachelors degree is trivial. It’s been depressing for months coming to this realization that the expectations put in your eyes from your teachers were all just enticement to keep you returning; for my career path has been getting worse and not better. I feel less able to financially grow than ever before with each week that goes by and without receiving callbacks for positions, the hundreds of positions that my resume has been sent for. 

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