bah humbug

Haven’t actually enjoyed the holidays in six years and before that it’d been like 13 years. It’s got its fun spots, but overall I’m never excited about it anyhow. Those times line up to when I was in a serious and fun relationship and at about the peak happiness points of those eras. I know the whole missing element is having a partner (that’s still fun to be with all the time).

The whole presents thing sucks. I hate being the employeed guy in his career in a high paying field who scrapes by all year long, much less when it comes presents time. Then I get the privilege to decide whether I’m going to abolish the normal rules or actually buy presents. I’m screwed either way. If I buy presents, i get further behind in payments that I’m already late for. If I skip the presents, I feel like an asshole.

Especially since i have a good job. I should be able to afford. Like at my former employer, i was making bank. $6 more per hour and i got OT in spikes. Like 2 months of 20hr/wk OT during one spike. Did many other weeks of 5 extra hours each week. Probably averaged a good 5 per week.

  • I made an average of 240/wk more
  • 240 X 4.3 = $1,032/mo more
  • 1,032 X 12 = $12,385/yr more

but during the 2 month spike (i was making 2 bucks less an hour the first year):

  • ~1,111 week after tax
  • (40 hr week was ~710)
  • 1,111 X 9 weeks = $9,999

Just on the typical week, I would have at minimum 1200 bucks in the bank. For a whole year. Christmas was nothing in my way, but now bah.
Thanksgiving. Mom is still cooking and it will be good, but no family will likely be coming and sister who lives here will likely leave. I’d retreat to the mountains if I could afford it. I did that a couple years ago and it was great. Had feast at a cousins  house, stayed one night. Drove to the mountains and decided to stay. Found a little walmart, bought a tent, 2 blankets, flashlight, and snacks. Had a drive-up to tent spot. Parked a hundred feet away and my tent area was within thirty feet of a stream. It was freezing cold but a single red fleece blanket is all it took to stay warm. The stream put me to sleep after I layed and sketched ideas in a drawing pad and caught a buzz. Woke up, did some stretching and a bike ride and took a long drive home. Taking naps all along the way.

But I’m pretty much stuck here. Where I can have everyone i do happen to see during the four day break ask me if I’ve been working on my house. And then the obvious followup: why not?

As for Christmas. Family will be around then, so that’s card games for fun. Play lots of cards to occupy time. There’s 9 days no work no pay. That’s the bummer.


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