Isn’t insane how one can go ages without attempting to fulfill the urge in their self to do that which is known to improve well being?

Insanity is within us all. We habituate our lives to impress others or even to dive deeper into the dark void. We change our lives to please others, leaving behind some of the framework that created your true self. As I lie on the bed, poking at this iPhone, thinking back on my own history; I see several more times than what was my plan to say. Two main topics jump in the front of the line. 

Firstly, I have intentionally gotten fat. Not just a little tummy fat, yet I do hold it well on a 6’2″ frame. Each time that i did so, the maximum weight has risen. The first time was in North Carolina where I ran the register for a gas station / mechanic shop. I was around 25 and fit. I was staying with a sister and hanging out with my young nephews. I enjoyed that six month visit very much. Anyhow, sitting in the extremely boring gas station with an average of 2 visitors an hour . . . On a busy day! . . . I had two racks of scrumptious Little Debbie’s glaring at me all the day long. Eventually the temptation could not hold out and I’d eat one. “Mmmm, just one more”.

Three months zoom by and I drive back to Georgia for a few days. I visited the restaurant where I worked at before, expecting to see friends. And I did see a friend who just that week returned from Boot Camp. This guy was always pudgy, but now he was thin and big chested. I looked down and my XL white t-shirt barely covered my gut. Role reversal, jeez, embarrassing in a fashion. 

I had gone from a solid 220 lbs to a fluffy 250 in 3 short months. I knew weight was gained, but thirty pounds is insane. 

Upon returning to NC I got into a good routine with diet and exercise. I was back too 220 on the day I moved away three months later. 

A few years back, while dating my ex-wife, I accustomed myself to a dozen Krispey Kremes at least 5 times each week. I knew it was bad, but I forged ahead. It really got to the point that i’d be watching television while surrounded in wrappers and empty boxes of pop tarts and lil Debbie’s. Stuffing beyond full and telling myself that after five more pounds I will change. I plateaued at 275ish for months and maxed out at 283. A year prior my typical weight was at 235 with a small belly, but healthy and strong. 

What started out as an (failed) attempt to go on a Daniel Fast by my ex, ultimately ended up with me turning very near vegan and dropping down to a very fit 195 lb man. It did take 14 months of extremeness to achieve. 

That was a long couple of examples and I even erased much embellishments. 

It corresponds with the first well. My second form of morphed habits would be that of stopping weight training. The weightlifting kept me strong since I began when I was 22. It is simple to end this habit and jump into the replacement. At one time, the replacement was my W.O.W. addiction. Another time it was working too much, while it was hard labour, it was not strength training. Then it was to spend time with my ex.

Now that I am a week into it again, I thought about it through much of the day. Fiending for it as much as those donuts and lil debs. BUT it is a great activity. Why and how did I avoid it for a whole year again? 

11/2/2016